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June 20th, 2009
01:23 am - my flora my mortar
Flowers jumping out of concrete,
sometimes gloriously fast,
other times more slowly.
While we imagine colors glisten.
Secrets whisper loudly,
by your lovers ear.
This love, it maddens wildly.
While we imagine colors glisten.
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January 7th, 2009
04:31 am - Earth’s quacking
Like vines,
slowly engulfing the bark of a tree,
With words that travel through the heated blood of me.
A sound as pure as glances.
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December 23rd, 2008
01:42 am - Fears of blackness, a governmental design.
This may be my first actual rant.
I moved to the south when I was approximately five years old. I was met with the immediate beauty of fall. In my mind, that of a child, I can distinctly recall the fall foliage. I imagined the bright pinks, greens and reds of trees were all lined up to greet us. Waving like leafed hands in the breeze. It was lovely, especially the vibrant, red dirt that I loved to dig in. The black dirt I had once played in was now red, how curious it seemed. It stained most of my clothes and I was promptly told not to play in it. I also remember the schools that I attended and the children that found me different. I said “hi” instead of “hey”, “pop” instead of “soda”. Now, I imagine I carried myself with the pomp and gait of someone surrounded by security, siblings, spirituality and wonder. I was often accused by my peers, mostly black, of trying to be white. I cannot properly explain how badly this hurt my self esteem. I only ever spoke the way I did because I felt it the best way of expressing myself. I would correct any southerner who called me “Kar-ler”. No, it’s “Kar-la”. This only fueled those who wished to ridicule my personality. I could not understand what this beast was, this so called acting white. This acting?! I wasn’t fucking acting, I was being myself or rather trying to be myself and it was my own people of African descent who wouldn’t let me be comfortable in my own skin, our skin. At some point, in my adolescence, I was testing better than my peers. I was moved into different classes and found myself even more alienated because I was the only one there that looked anything like myself. I was wholly unprepared for a transition like that and that was also damaging to my psyche. For many years I could not figure out where I belonged or where I should want to belong. To this day I do not agree with or admire much about black culture, however, I believe it has been adapted to spite society. It is in fact a societal rebellion. Many of our young men let their pants hang below their waist, they wear fitted caps and oversized jerseys and sport expensive or even more disgusting, fake gold and diamond chains. They even wear gold teeth, for fashions sake. This behavior is all in the name of street credibility or "blackness". On the strangely perverse and ironic, opposite end of the spectrum, we have the behavior of our black women. Many of which wear long acrylic nails and European hair extensions while their own beautiful wooly, curly or kinky hair is in unspeakable condition due to improper haircare. I used to do the same things to get away from my blackness, I cannot claim innocence in trying to hide my heritage. Most black women chemically straighten their hair and many wear weaves. Hair weaving has become a lot more common, therefore, acceptable due to the perpetuation of Beyonces’s and Ashanti’s shaking their asses on television for our men’s enjoyment. This is the image of black women that they are taught to desire, this is the image of feminine blackness that I nolonger aspire to uphold. Because of this, I often find it hard to date inside of my race, it seems I cannot bond with a man of black descent on a spiritual level or a cultural level or any other aspect of myself that should be shared with a potential mate. Moreover, when I feel as though I have met a like minded male, they don't seem very interested in dating inside of their race either. The eurocentric bonds called Christianity are very prevalent in the black community, I cannot stand it because it's white images are subtlety but totally oppressive to our heritage, it is so far removed from what we have been. European idealization seems to have noosed the entire world at it's neck, for many thousands of years, seated in it's balcony as they set the stage and laugh at our tragedies and comedies. Must we forget that we are worshipers of the earth, prayers to the land? I find it important to mention that this is the very same religion that we used against those in society to gain back the rights and powers that were sold and stolen from us. Dr. King was a preacher and a civil rights activist, this is irony, this is why it’s roots run so deeply throughout our African American ancestry. Through Christianity, God's name, we were delivered from oppression. I have been aggressively discouraged from dating outside of my race, more so, than my lighter siblings because they are in fact fairer skinned. I believe this because I find the concept thrust in my face, irrelevantly, in the heat of disagreement. I have also been told that my sisters have the ”good hair”, this has been ongoing. My mother, having grown up in a previous era, has said some very racially heinous things, things that would deny a person the ability to love what should be an accepted aspect of their heritage. I have often told myself that she didn’t/doesn't know any better, that it is simply ignorance, that she heard and lived through much worse. After all, she was fed propaganda that made blackness into ugliness, our heritage was made unacceptable. Our heritage is still mostly denied and racism is now directed inward, against one another and determined by ones degree of blackness or lack thereof. This is not a false reality that I have concocted, but a truth that I have to deal with and witness regularly. Being that I have found myself more fully again, I become enraged by others ignorance to these situations. Here are some of the ignorant things that others have to say…. These are all comments by blacks except for the "Little Rascals", Buckwheat comparison and the one by my former professor, said to one of my peers.
“I’m not trying to be funny, but you got some real nigga hair.”
“You look like Buckwheat with your hair like that.”
“Are you going to get some hoop earrings to go with that hairdo?”
-When in college, with a so called professional instructor, “Come on homie, show us what ya got, my brotha.”
"You look good with natural hair, not everyone looks good with natural hair."
“I started to go natural when I was in the military, I was for a little while, but it is considered to be unkempt.”
"Are you going to loc that shit up, What are you going to do with it?"
“I wanted to grow dread locs but there are a lot of bad things associated with them, I am also trying to get a new job.”
*Why is our natural beauty still condemned? Because It dilutes cultural power.
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November 2nd, 2008
11:44 am - Eighty Zephyrs
Our natures love has mixed,
and mingled by our breath.
This elemental kiss,
through ethers air exist.
By you
I have mused.
To be near you, I will miss.
Molecularly transcended,
my elemental wish.
My dearest fate,
you’ve served me well.
Ferried me,
out of this here hell.
By man's myths, I have found sight,
Not yet hoary-haired, eyes burning bright.
These tales are like vassals,
for not all will see
and from them lifted misery.
By this I owe,
my vanished faith.
Who loved us, kept us,
in it's grace.
The afterlife,
it can’t be known.
By uncreation,
through the earth we’re sown.
It has been said,
we are but clay.
Mated by the Earth and Day.
Yes, birthed we are from atmosphere.
To be tilled in Gaia’s form,
and grown again.
"All cannot rule;for many Rulers bring Confusion:Let there be one Lord, one King.
" -OVID-
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October 19th, 2008
05:25 am - Conversion into the American empire through fear and ignorance
{"This is their children, how can they suspend their love for their children?"
"I assure you when it comes to the issue of witchcraft there is no love lost, everybody is scared of the issue of witchcraft. The witchcraft issue cuts across the poor, the rich, the elite, the [?], the pastors. Everybody is scared of witchcraft."}
*This developing country is being converted into popular western belief systems by means of a modern day witch hunt.
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October 10th, 2008
07:51 pm - *UPDATE*
A trollop named Adrienne Mayor beat me, by about eight years, to my thesis about early myth/legend being the direct result of ancient fossil findings. She even wrote a book concerning the topic. So here I have affirmation that I am not the only one who has considered this idea and yet I am a bit disappointed when I read the phrase, "her original thesis" more than three times. Here is a bit of intruiging information that she wrote concerning our idea. ;)
Natural History, June, 2000 by Kate A. Robson Brown
[Using a combination of writings by nineteenth-century classicists and information from twentieth-century paleontological excavations, Mayor makes a convincing case that ancient Greco-Roman writers had picked up on the tales of Saka-Scythian nomads from the gold-rich deserts of the western Gobi. The nomads' myths of gold-guarding griffins, it turns out, were based on Protoceratops skeletons exposed by shifting desert sands.]
I would be so much farther in my education if I had not blindly believed in Christ for so long. Though it kept me educationally stunted, Christianity did manage to keep me mostly pious and uncorrupted. I am now able to witness and write.
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04:46 am - abi in malam rem
I just read about Tartarus being this place that is said to be lined in the mineral beryllium. It is also said to house the giants, or Titans…It was said to be nine days deep…
Could the idea of some monsters, giants, and winged beasts be based off of the very real existence of prehistoric fossils? Surely these bones did not lay undiscovered by ancient civilized peoples who tilled the ground and cut into the minerals of the Earth, digging for metals and stone that would be deemed precious. I believe that this could have been integral in the creation of some ancient myths, tales of what could not be scientifically articulated, that have not yet become apparent in this age.
Traditional Persian Azhi-Dahak (Dragon)
I wish to understand why a place for all mortals who have died, like a Greek Hades, became a place of persecution and damnation like the monist, Christian hell. There used to be an equality in death where all the dead communed, a pagan equality. What caused this paradigm to shift? Could this discrimination in death have been a tactic to further position the aristocracy above the proletariat? Or did this shift come about when the proletariat tried to change their social positioning? There would be a shift of power if the church(social morality) was put before the government(order over society). To be unequal in life only to be judged equally in death for the happenings of one’s life.
Empires use church and state to bind people morally and socially into order. The paradigm between church and state is in a constant state of reinvention. This reinvention happens when sects in society find that scripture doesn’t suit it’s lifestyle. Revision of scripture is constant and it causes the branching off of different churches. Law is amended as well because there is still much unknown to fear as well as much to discriminate against. What would a government absent of a fear of God be?...
-Absolute tyranny-. Maybe it is better then to hand our fear, our hope over to God.
According to Wikipedia:
[According to Plato (c. 400), Rhadamanthus, Aeacus and Minos were the judges of the dead and chose who went to Tartarus. Rhadamanthus judged Asian souls; Aeacus judged European souls and Minos was the deciding vote and judge of the Greek.
Plato also proposes the concept that sinners were cast under the ground to be punished in accordance with their sins the Myth of Er]
*This makes me think that Plato was an advocator of bigotry, elitism, and separatism.
I have come upon a creation myth that suggests that Tartarus was the first thing created out of the void or nothingness or uncreation. Tartarus, one of the three places in hell contained the Titans the gods feared. It also contained all the undead…..
(I am bored of writing from this angle… I may finish this thought later.)
Fear is what drives us, it is what motivated us into tribes, it is what drove us into civilization and ultimately away from alluvial plains whose flood waters could not always be predicted. I believe it is safe to say that we initially looked to the skies for signs, signs of impending danger, signs of impending floodwaters or tide and signs of the changing seasons. This is what makes us deify nature, for it is unpredictable. This is what makes us marvel and shudder in it’s wake.
We essentially worship our own fear and pray it doesn’t manifest itself. Can fear manifest itself outside of the personality?
Religion/superstition is a hope nurtured by a fear.
Hell is an imaginary place and it was built around anxiety and reverence for nature. Those who sought power and successfully conquered it used religion and superstition as propaganda over those ignorant to the reality of the situation and that is, "Life is now and immediate, it revolves around chance and the attraction of energy."
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September 13th, 2008
01:20 am - my unreachable love
"My unreachable God, my unreachable fate, these unbreachable lines by my clear reachable hate."
My unreachable lore,
come, come
I cannot wait.
Your unreachable touch.
Your unreachable taste.
Come light my soul,
don't make me wait.
Walk through this reachable door.
And from your body...
pushing, arching my weight against this reachable floor.
I come into this body cursed,
I come into this body slept.
I come into existence hurt,
into existence I am wept.
I wake with life to give.
Open your eyes
Drips into your lids I will send.
wake, wake
and come with me.
Let us reach the unreachable.
Let's reachable be.
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12:36 am - unreachable.
"My unreachable God, my unreachable fate, these unbreachable lies, by my clear reachable hate."
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September 12th, 2008
11:33 pm - Merribliss my Cannabis
Oh God!
I could hardly believe it,
This bud blossomed in me
Sweet jesus!
You’d laugh if I told you
my secret.
The container that held
my purp reefer.
A page pulled from Romans
third Chapter,
delicate paper inscribed with fine letters.
See,
This happens to be what I needed.
Fair herb drank in tea,
Couldn’t beat it.
My great thirst,
yes indeed was quite quenched.
But my dear Mary,
had not yet come
through the door.
I had my doubts it would work
Orange Bic, light this bitch, make it burn!
Shrouded in purple,
my eyes are now lifted.
I’m feeling rather tribal
and gifted.
I just needed
something to smoke.
A verse from my bible I toked...
"Marijuana ... makes you sensitive. Courtesy has a great deal to do with being sensitive. Unfortunately marijuana makes you the kind of sensitive where you insist on everyone listening to the drum solo in Iron Butterfly's 'In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida' fifty or sixty times." [P.J. O'Rourke, "Modern Manners," 1983]
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August 1st, 2008
03:18 am - I am now
In these slumbers
i am restless.
By your voice could only lie,
faint.
I am by you in my slumbers.
All this
you will not know
my life unencumbered.
I’ve told you stories never,
As you
have given me tales of ever,
and ever.
…”Dizzy is this world,
that shakes the cores of others. Dim we have made our sons who fight and hate each other.”…
…”Happiness is fleeting,
a magic to behold. Bright are those who share it, for it’s the truest wealth to own”…
In these slumbers
i am faint.
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May 6th, 2008
03:13 am - I am feeling accomplished and thinking about horse race journalism
Today I finished the last exam that has wrapped up my first semester at State. I learned quite a bit of information that I am certain will serve me well in the future. I especially enjoyed my teachers. I am convinced that all of them were there for us, the student body.
About an hour or two ago I officially finished documenting the first part of the book that I am writing. I should be done with it in a year and a half. I am very excited as I believe that when it is complete it will appeal to a great number of individuals with similar concerns. My biology and chemistry background will come in handy as I will be able to understand and explain the concepts of my book on a elementary level.
Cheers to more understanding, retaining advanced concepts and illuminating myself through it all!
...I am currently listening to Larry King and apparently North Carolina will go to Obama and Indiana will go to Clinton because it is mostly white. I live in an age where racial issues are still very important. Mccain is "sitting pretty" while our democratic nominees degrade each other. These negative campaigning tactics could ultimately cause more people to be in the favor of Mccain.
My generation doesn't vote. They say their vote doesn't count and they are right, it doesn't. Ultimately the costs of voting outweigh any personal benefit or reward. There is actually an equation that explains this. (thank you Dr. R.) Civil Duty is the part of the equation that balances it, that has to be added to make voting worthwhile.
OUR generation has a failing sense of unity. This Nation is great but it is becoming more and more separatist, self preserving and egoistic. However, I am fascinated by the way democratic values and republican values put checks and balances on one another.
I have know idea how the world must have been during the civil rights movement but it must have been a very anxious, generous and dangerous time for the youth of the country. They helped change the nation for us. They have set everything up for us so well that we hardly feel the need to continue to be revolutionary.
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April 22nd, 2008
02:21 am - a birthday, a funeral and sticky, STD covered dance floors
There are two reasons I prefer not to drink beer. The bubbles prohibit me from drinking it too quickly and the taste is usually not that great unless it is on tap. However, beer is sometimes the best thing to get when one is on a budget. Last night my drink of choice was Heiniken. During some point that night I find that I have swallowed a few too many bubbles and I retreat to the restroom so that I might have quicker access to a toilet in the case of an emergency. I get to the restroom and find that it is empty. I decide that I am ok and I sit in the big, comfy, faux leather couch in the restroom. A lady a few years older than me walks in, her name is Casey. I cannot remember if I greeted her or not but she proceeds to put on a show. The women’s bathroom at the Clermont is one very large room. The room has a smaller room with a couple of steps leading up to it. The actual toilet is beyond the stairs and the only thing that prevents one from seeing another piss is a black curtain bisected in the middle. Casey places herself in the middle, between the dark panels of curtain and puts on a cabaret. She creates wind in the curtains and presses her form against them. I was very amused but not as aroused as she would have liked me to be.
“Come on, it’s just you and me, just you and me.”
I was on the stage at the Clermont, right next to the entrance/exit and I walk off of the stage. I fall straight to my knees. I had forgotten that I went up a couple steps to get onto the stage. My little sister laughs but very politely turns her head away from me while she does so. A scraggly, sweaty, drunken man helps me off of the floor while he tells me not to worry because he does it all the time. I currently have a scabbed right knee as this leg must have been the one that supported most of my descending weight.
Ayana enjoyed herself, her company and her friends on her birthday. Jenny, given a description of the Clermont before she arrived, stated that if she didn’t like it she was going back to the car for the rest of the night. She didn’t retreat but she also didn’t get up and dance more than once (she loves to dance) I watched my sisters boyfriend perform a dance called the white tornado, that was also quite amusing.
-“Are you girls just doing makeup and shit or is this the line to the bathroom?”
*this is the line to the bathroom.
-“This line is really long, let’s make it a party!”
*……………………………………………….
-“Ok girls so what’s your favorite sexual position?”
*definitely not doggy style.
^…I agree, it’s degrading…
*i’m down with good old missionary, you just have to know what to do with your legs, I like the intimacy.
-“Oh yeah, put them around his neck” {she proceeds to gesture with her pelvis.}
-“So do you always let the guy get off first, I always make sure he gets his before I get mine”
*are you kidding, that’s not how it’s supposed to work!
-“I was trying to trick you; I just wanted to see if you knew the right answer.”
*we are women and we should cherish our bodies, if you are with a men who doesn’t make sure you get your needs met you need to move on.
*you are a really pretty girl; you can do better than that.
-“If you weren’t attractive I wouldn’t be talking to you.”
*……………………………………………………..
[older sisters boyfriend’s roommates girlfriend enters the restroom at the back of the line]
The question is posed again, to which she replies…
“Ohhh, doggy style” as she gestures with her head in a Quagmire-esque fashion.
*see you girls later…
Curtis has lost three parents in three years. His adoptive mother was buried today. He says that both of his adoptive parents were good parents but he says that they were not very loving. If I am not mistaken he says that he became a ward of the state when he was about three years old. He remained in foster care for about five years where he said that he was molested by a woman and beat. Though Curtis has come up in this life faced with a lot of adversity he is quite focused on his goals and he is quickly becoming the person that he would like to become. I admire such strength and faith in people.
Curtis sat at a table of the Clermont with his eyes glazed over and his arms crossed over his chest. I feel that this is another reason Jenny didn’t get up and dance. She has a strong and natural empathetic ability. Curtis is so turned off and disgusted that I can almost see thought bubbles forming over his head while he unknowingly shakes his head in disapproval.
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April 12th, 2008
11:51 pm - filibustering my way through consciousness
Should what is necessary always be the most important power?
I was in the park today,
I lit my cigarette,
I smoked it,
I looked at the butt and thought, It would be sacrilegious for me to
Throw the butt on the ground.
I put it in my pocket as I stood up and left.
I begin to walk.
I feel the fresssh green air go into my lungs,
Like peppermint and lime.
I look at the sensuous curves of mother Earth’s legs,
And her thighs
Thinking red, sugary brown and sprinkled with hay,
how lovely she is
where rocks randomly lay
who? so grandly designed all these mysteries.
What glory to be seen!
When I begin to trip, on my way out of the wood, I find her angry.
With knotted root exposed by a stream, unnatural
Long, tubular snakes pierce the heart of the ground,
Leaking toxin and eroding her flesh.
Dripping iron,
Fed, by the concrete that has smothered all her fresh skin
Dousing this green energy
Why have we, what have we?
I was just interrupted by this girl from work. I told her to call me if she needed anything. This is the third time that she has called me. I truly am in utter shock.
*So maybe it is because she is 19
Maybe it is because she totally told me HER whole life story within the third hour of knowing me... She almost got scammed by a guy who made me listen to him for about 30 minutes, he talked about the Lord, recited very, very beautiful scripture, and didn’t even notice me getting a little uncomfortable. (maybe the old bastard didn’t care) This same man is trying to take advantage of a new employee at work.
“It didn’t work, what do you mean he said it didn’t work? He didn’t even rent it yet.”
Now I understand, he sees the same thing in her that I see in her.
Where is your righteousness now?
People are most beautiful when you catch them being themselves.
For the first time in history we are celebrating a great time for our black race, and our femininity. My culture has become very close to understanding themselves for who they truly are. Now returning to the great destiny of our motherearth, able to redefine who we are, no longer conquerable. Almost escaping the bondage that our culture has so long tried to break. These Strong, iron bonds. It is time to redefine the image of who leads and inspires us. It is time for a black leader. Oh I am sorry, an obviously mixed race leader.
Obama will win the presidency, Hillary, backed by the government will stage an assassination on the new President. He is assassinated, Hillary takes charge and Jesse Jackson kills Hillary and all the other republicans. (yeah I know) By now it is the year 2012 and the Mayan calendar is about to show everyone just how accurate it really was at predicting the end of the World
because we are now having another civil war, the Eskimos have come down from Alaska and are killing us with otter spears because they cannot go sledding on endless acres of ice.
Some girl in my speech class wasn’t sure if it was strange to give a speech on 2012 and the end of the world.
I am tickled by the mass numbers of people who have begun infecting their counterparts with the idea that the world is ending in four years. It has reached home and even my neighbors discuss it..
There has got to be a way that I can get rich off of their paranoia and ignorance.
Stereotyped, by ignorance.
Breaking stereotypes
Unbound by stupidity
A black leader, it can be done. To raise our brothers
So long, often killed, imprisoned, and led away from being the fathers they should be
All the world is so competitive
The ants eat the fallen bee
The weed encircles the plant
I am at State and enriched, confused, and saddened by it.
Cities like beehives, buzzing,
swarming, stingers everywhere.
People going to college, the ages of eighteen through about sixty, really, I mean it sixty. Some with cains/canes, some with wheelchairs, some with severe deformity. Some with their vital signs posted on the back of their wheelchairs.
Really, I mean it.
I WONDER
Why, why,
WHY!!! Are you here,
money?
We are all here for money!
We see who can pass their test with the highest score
we study, some of us.
We get a score and that tells us rather we had enough time,
enough time not to be working,
Raising kids,
sleeping,
I have to learn as much information about the nervous system that a few chapters in a textbook will show me. I have about two weeks
MY FUTURE SUCCESS currently depends on how well I perform on tests.
Is that a goal to be wanted? What other goals come in the wake of one choosing not to pursue college.
The human body is remarkable, sewn together with great dexterity and the precise decisions of gods destruction and revision.
It is perfect, with molecules marrying and divorcing to give us a variety of effects.
Unmatched in it’s uniqueness.
What are the odds that spellcheck is actually spellchecking your work properly. I would say that there couldn’t ever be a standard for typing skills and level. I wonder how it picks out the standard for writing.
I am getting more democratic in my thinking, its State’s fault.
And I am leaving you with a few questions to ask yourself,
What does life offer us in return?
It offers us transcendence.
Transcendence you say, you mean to tell me that this isn’t money?
It won’t get me anything.
Enlightenment?
Something else abstract?
The kingdom of heaven, all blasphemy!
I will tell you what I SEE. Traffic, herding around like stampedes,
People getting off work, going to work
Concentrated in the city
Where some go to try and realize themselves
I love my family
I find it funny and telling that I have written it right under that last line.
I need to retire to a costal area, where no spring breakers are allowed.
Walking barefoot in Earth’s wet sand
Earth’s most weathered ground,
For centuries to come .
Waiting for the sun to dry away the OCEAN
To make fertile soil.
To feed life’s equally intelligent bacteria
Swimming and crawling
Their way to the
WEST of A.
All the world is skeptical. We live in an age of skeptics. There is so much new information replacing the old that our generation and the subsequent generations to come haven’t an idea to decide on what to believe in. Well, it is our right to practice our free will.
Who is this will, rebellion’s cousin? Rebellion’s awful cousin, with ADHD, popping three Aderol before an exam?
she is that strange girl that set next to me in the courtyard and tells me how she is so hyper, and I think I took too much Aderol, and I am a freshman and I am taking level 4000 classes. Maybe I am jealous, maybe I am not because I believe that I am the one still in my right mind.
And are we to believe that one day we developed into humans, from bacteria
multiplying, and evolving, complex molecular structures changing in form to adapt. What are we to think of all the other complex systems evolving from the hydrogen bonded oxygen?
,Greenery, and other animals that are too far away from humanoid to be an obvious answer?
We will destroy our planet before we get close to this answer.
Physiology is currently the study of Why?
It is still a controversial thing to discuss the How?
Or Is it the How and then the Why?
The how and the why are the same,
WE are the descendants of swirling gases
Striving to return to that star-like form
From which we came.
Back to our celebrity behavior
as celestial bodies,
with it’s many celebrations.
As swirling gasses
Almost ready to burst
It’s pop culture
Lastly, …
I’ve tasted the sweet desire of your breath
I’ve come to you with no end
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February 28th, 2008
04:30 am - Osculum
and he is no doubt the product of love. Conceived by the unrestrained imaginations of one heart, two bodies, and one spirit. Unburdened by religious circumstance yet governed by an education, a practicality of mind. One whose true beauty hath made him sound of heart and eloquent in speech.
I am left existing as large Cathedral windows
glass, transparent
stained.
Casting the glow of this summer
through the winter of his eyes.
Blowing kisses in bidding farewell
touching your lips with mine,
thereby shattering the weight of this world’s gravity.
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August 1st, 2007
09:42 am - I am what I know
Mornings glory rises
soft blue from this hard Earth
Thus I am incarnate
from sediment and dust.
A second in this dream
though a lifetime it would seem.
Found and illuminated
no longer,
Disillusioned by all means.
I am nothing more than what I know
awareness being the key
fiddling with the matter
unbinding reality.
Do you believe in magic?
He whispered in her ear,
Anubis'
Anubis'
Anubis'
You have nothing to fear.
Loving her for who she is
and who she will become.
Ashen are these memories,
the ones that do not help.
Before thee I have unfolded
tales and fables where,
a love can bring true beauty
where life has left us bare.
Blooming in his magic
Waking in this light
igniting all my fires
and burning just as bright
Sarasvati'
Sarasvati'
Sarasvati'
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December 17th, 2006
10:44 am - esse memoria bona
It is in our memories that we reside
our cautions run
these secrets hide.
As love expands the life of breath
and wills the end of every death.
I see you in a whisper
reflecting God's grace in your eyes.
I hear you in these words
time slows when you're in mind.
It is in our memories that we collide
and passions spent
our pleasures died.
As love expands the life of breath
and wills the end of every death.
My mind is lost as I still see
and hear you
in all,
by everything.
Divinely I see and hear these things,
breath moves life
our memories pass by
and alters the core of our beings.
We will reside in our memories
these secrets of ourself
Where we shall overlap
and time will slow itself.
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October 30th, 2006
04:38 am - Monday Mithras
What is this you’ve brought to me?
This fate between my hands
What is this thats become of me?
an hour in a glance.
Caught inside these minutes passed,
chance has stalled again.
Coming soon to lose so fast
now and never
when?
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October 19th, 2006
04:04 am
This subtle light
we’ll pull apart
between our fingers
in the dark.
Breathing in this moment
Dreaming in this truth.
Finding meaning in the dark
like drawing auras from our hearts.
Summoning sanguine to thy lips
in this moments silence kiss.
These dreams will come
we shall be
undone.
In the waking of this life
the quacking on this night.
Drawing auras in the dark
like finding meaning in our hearts.
Unfixed on what we knew
realized in all we see,
Diving into these depths
to meet our reality.
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August 28th, 2006
01:47 am - SUNday maybe?
It’s nearly 9:00 am and the sky is overcast. I had not slept the previous night. I get on the train and daydream until I realize that I am going the wrong way. The alcohol and clove consumed during the night are still with me. I am not sleepy but nauseous and I feel the weight of my mind slipping.
I get on the correct train. Someone behind me is playing their CD player very loudly. The sound is pure and it is a vocabulary that I cannot distinguish. I decide that I will turn around so that I might glimpse into the face of this person. I am on the left side of the train facing North. To look behind me I must glance over my right shoulder. As I do the only person in my limited line of sight comes into view. She is wearing all white and she has a very bright shade of lipstick on. She is an older, pale woman with light colored hair and heavy rimmed glasses. Her mouth is closed. I turn back around.
A few seconds later I hear the singing again and must know of its origins. In what must have been an obvious gesture I slump down in my seat and peer over the top. I can just see the bright form of her mouth changing shape in it’s vocal prayer. She is looking back at me and I turn back around. A couple stops pass and the seats closest to me fill up. An older woman sits to the right of me. She has her head wrapped in a white cotton (possibly linen) cloth that stops a little past her shoulders. She is carrying a copy of the bible. Though her grandchildren were not handicapped they were sitting in the handicapped seats before me. This put them in profile. These two children were so well fed and plump that the smooth surface of their honey colored skin stretched and dimpled around the bones of their large frames. Their huge, ebony colored eyes reflected more light than I have ever seen. These eyes were playing all over the surfaces of the train, exploring ever corner. I watch them as they glance into the faces of strangers and out of the windows. At their very young age (the oldest was 3) these children were unusually content and poised. They sit perfectly straight with their hands in their lap. I wait for the child closest to me to look over. I smirk at her and maintain eye contact. About 7 seconds pass. In a quick, hushed voice her grandmother says, “Don’t stare at her!” I tell the grandmother that those were the biggest, healthiest children that I had ever seen. She responds with something that I cannot remember. The older, female child had jet black hair fixed with yellow and white, hard plastic barrettes that read, “I love Jesus.”
I get closer to my destination and have to wait a while. I sit on a very large, long stone bench. A lady approaches, she has a dark complexion and wavy, chocolate hued hair with thick strands of white around the hairline, mostly at her temples. Age has turned her eyes that grayish muted color that I have often seen. The whites of her eyes are interrupted by brown spots that encircle the iris. She asks me if I think that it’s ok to sit as she looks down at the stone bench. Her garments are of an airy, white fabric.
-“Is there anything on it?”
In this moment I am feeling charming so I sweep my hand across the surface and show her my palm.
-“Ummm… you should be ok.”
She sits really close to me. I notice a large, rogue colored makeup stain near the nape of her neck. Though I am wearing very short shorts, a fitted black t shirt, and tennis shoes I am still asked if I am going to church. In this moment I lie by telling her that I might attend church next Sunday. I didn’t feel like having a conversation about this, also more church goers have taken a seat to the other side of me. She goes on to talk about Jesus, Lord, God and I nod and agree because I do not completely disagree. In between her talking I begin to reflect on the last 30 minutes or so and I think I hear the woman next to me say Carla to whomever it was she was talking to on her cell phone.
I am awakened from another daydream. I refocus on my environment. I start to consider the conversation of the party next to me. The girl is now off her cell phone, and she is talking to someone who is standing in front of us. She speaks of this girl Karla a couple more times and a few other things that I did not associate with myself.
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